I try to choose conferences that will leave me inspired with lots of great ideas and opportunities. I have wonderful notes on fantastic project and even timelines to get them all done… But then a weird thing can happen where I feel unworthy of all these ideas.
One example is the 2013 ScienceOnline conference. I have a notebook full of post and video ideas but when I got home, I didn’t do any of them. Not only that, I stopped all online writing. Why?
Laziness was definitely a factor but I have a bunch of half written posts over the last 6 months. I think I’ve been intimidated by the wonderful accomplished people in the ScienceOnline community. It isn’t their fault at all and they are all encouraging. Maybe the fact that they are regular people freaked me out; their writing has given them super hero status in my eyes. Maybe I thought their talent and hard work would just be magically transferred to me so the writing should be easier?
For some reason, after this last ScienceOnline conference, my brain started with: I can’t produce anything worthy. It seems to be a combination of:
- Impostor syndrome. This includes feeling like a fraud but also not trying for available opportunities.
- Perfectionism. In 2011, I adopted the word perfektion to push myself to try things. “Done is better than perfect”
In response, I am going to try to just post quick posts over the next week to see if I can get the groove back. Then, I will try adding some of those larger projects.
One of the benefits of this insecurity is that it has reminded me that things like joining twitter or starting a blog can be overwhelming and I will hopefully be more sensitive to friends and Vancouver locals who are starting into the ScienceOnline world.